can you overcome FOMO?
on dreams we have, lives we actually live, and how FOMO can be a good thing
I have FOMO - fear of missing out.
I have a dream of one day very soon leaving my full-time teaching job to make a living with a mixture of authoring more books, podcasting, and coaching. I have been purposefully making room in my daily life to move towards that direction one step at a time and I am grateful to have written my first book. But, I still have a major case of professional FOMO.
When I see others publishing amazing essays and articles consistently, while I am happy for them, there is also a feeling of missing out and anxiety of not doing enough. Or, when I listen to a podcast episode that educates, empowers, or makes me a better human being, what I am also thinking about is why am I not doing that yet? My very sporadic essays I put out and non existent podcast makes me
jealous. There you go, I said it. And, this makes me feel terrible. Maybe you can relate.
What I am working through though is a new shift in my mindset around FOMO. What if there is another side to FOMO that is not jealousy and feelings of “not doing enough?” What if it can actually be good for us?
how FOMO can be a good thing
Jealousy can be an indicator of what is still important to you. So, rather than letting it be a comparison game, we can make a note to ourselves and say, “I still want to work towards this.” Or, maybe it becomes a realization that you don’t want it anymore and there is freedom to say no.
When it’s happening for other people, it means it’s possible AND there is room. This one is hard because I still experience moments of “oh, they got to write about this topic so I can’t”, or “podcast world seems saturated, why would we need another one?” But, this kind of thinking over and over will literally stop us from doing the work and more importantly, we give up not only on the dream- but we give up on ourselves. So, we can shift our thought to
there is room for all of us. In order for this to be true, we need to help each other be seen and heard.
Lean into people who are doing what you want to do. Talk to them, hear their stories. Talking to someone who might be in similar situations will be extra supportive. And, I believe more people want to support you, more than you realize.
It pushes us to stop and assess how things are going, what needs shifting around. At the end of each month, I reflect on how the month went based on what my intentions were and how it actually turned out and why. Instead of spending our energy on focusing on what others are doing, we can zoom in on our individual lives and see how the times was spent because it really is different for each of us.
Circumstances aren’t excuses. It’s almost second nature to compare ourselves to others, but no one person lives with the exact same circumstances as the next person- even the people you’re living with! We all have responsibilities that dictate our priorities - being a parent, having a full time job, schedule constraints, financial concerns, health challenges (physical and mental), different values, etc, etc, etc. I think we need to name our circumstances out loud.
Our circumstances are not excuses, but it’s wisdom that shows us what our practical next steps might be that isn’t compared to the next person, or the truth that we really are doing what we can. Just because you aren’t doing all the things, it doesn’t mean you aren’t giving 100% to your pursuits.
It helps us to assess our energy as currency. For example, people often assume because I teach school hours, I have all evenings and weekends. Technically, this is true, but what I want to draw our attention to here is not the amount of time, but
the emotional and mental energy it takes to pursue that second career or side project. Consider when you have the most energy and the kind of energy that is already required in your current job or life. And, also consider if you are an extrovert or introvert because it does matter- a lot.
I am an introvert in an extroverted career where my emotional, social, and mental energy is essential at work. My batteries are depleted. Luckily, I have always been a morning person so before going to work is where I put not only my time, but my refreshed energy into my other work.
When we feel that we are missing out on something, try to be transparent with yourself and see if you really have the energy to do that extra thing here in this season. You might not and this is where trust comes in - trusting that later is not late.
words for when you feel like you are missing out
there is room for you.
not everything happens in one season, but it doesn’t mean it won’t happen.
if you only have 20% of your energy to give, that 20% is your 100%.
you are allowed to begin without knowing how you will do it.
priorities change as we change. what you wanted in your professional life might not be what you want now and that’s just as important.
I hope these reminders support you in whatever season you are in. Rather than trying to overcome FOMO, I hope we are held in compassion more and more whenever it does sneak upon us. And with this compassion,
maybe one day,
we will experience a deep knowing that we are exactly where we’re supposed to be.
have a beautiful week,
kyunghee