What if I told you that confidence is over rated and it’s actually not that important? Let me explain….
I don’t think I am cut out for ______. (You fill in the blank)
Chances are, you probably didn’t have to think so hard to come up with an answer or two for that statement. I had a small fleeting thought of wondering if I made a mistake of quitting my teaching career. That perhaps, I should have stayed, because it’s what I know how to do-
well.
Luckily, I have people in my life who are my sounding board of truth when I forget. I am not talking about tough love. I am talking about a love that helps you to take the binders of self criticism off and allow you to see the situation more clearly, with grace.
“So you want to quit betting on yourself because you were in the same career for 19 YEARS and it’s only been 2 MONTHS since you started on this new path and you aren’t sure if it’s going to work out? It’s only been a few months.”
I have compared doing the same thing for 19 years to 2 months of something entirely different. I had been using the same measuring stick that led to self criticism, judgement, and putting unrealistic expectations on myself.
Every new adventure we take on is like uncovering a part of ourselves that hasn’t been nurtured or discovered. A different side of us gets to take the front seat and although this comes with excitement, it also comes with fear and self consciousness.
I think my baseline is self criticism no matter what. But I also know and have evidence that it doesn’t do any good. It only keeps me hiding, making decisions out of fear- and ultimately ….
self sabotaging myself.
We don’t self sabotage because we think we are undeserving, but I like to argue that we are afraid of it actually coming true.
I want you to sit with that for a moment and truly take that in.
When you think about your ambitions/pursuits/projects, etc coming true, excitement is not the only emotion that may come up. You might experience disbelief or even worry about if you have what it takes to follow through with it. What if you don’t have what it takes after all. You might feel a sense of responsibility that suddenly feels heavy.
These are all normal feelings when entering into something new, something unfamiliar. It sounds ridiculous to think that we are afraid of what we actually want. What is familiar is what we know how to do. Even if we may not like it, we know how it works. And this knowing makes us feel confident.
Confidence is a beautiful thing
and, confidence can be a trap to staying the same.
Have you ever self sabotaged yourself because you weren’t feeling confident? You are not alone.
And, there is a better way than staying in the loop of self sabotage.
choosing courage over confidence
I was about to throw in the towel because I thought I didn’t have what it took. I was feeling insecure and unprepared. I was about to self sabotage myself because of my lack of confidence. I needed to come back to the truth
truth that confidence is actually not that important and lack of it just means it’s something new. Courage is more important than confidence when we feel frozen in moving forward because courage doesn’t wait for us to be perfect. Courage invites us as we are. That takes vulnerability. You just have to be willing, that’s all.
Courage says, I am willing to learn and be a student.
Courage says, I am willing to make mistakes.
Courage says, I am willing to not have all the answers.
Courages says, I am willing to keep going even if the progress is slow.
Courage says, I don’t have to be confident in order to keep going. I just have to be willing.
And this courage you need is just small amounts each day. Instead of thinking about how much courage is needed for the finish line, ask yourself how much courage is needed for today-
courage for the day is all you need.
We underestimate courage because we tend to see it in others in the aftermath of things - when courage is packed up in a nice bow. What we don’t see is the daily courage, but it’s the very thing that was underneath it all.
I encourage you this week to focus not so much on your confidence or lack of, but lean into courage, the daily small dose you need to learn/try something new.
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I hope you have a peaceful week,
kyunghee