I am not only talking about love, but it was a wedding that made me realize that self-love can be seen and felt by those around you.
Recently, we witnessed one of our dear friends get married to her love. Even though our own marriage has way more valleys than mountain tops (still waiting for that mountain top!), I love weddings. It’s about two people coming together to celebrate and commit their love in the presence of others. This wedding was that and much more.
This was the first wedding I attended where I wasn’t really thinking about marriage or love in the context between two people. I saw her standing so tall and bright and thought how much she cared for herself. She knew she was precious on her own. I saw a person who loved herself to take a chance.
We have known this friend in her darkest hours. Love betrayed, love ended, finding herself divorced- a label or word she could have never imagined to be part of her story. The forever wasn’t a forever after all.
Have you worn a label or two that you never thought you would?
So when I saw her on her wedding day filled with laughter and confidence, all the versions of herself she lived through in the past 6+ years flashed before my eyes. In this one human being, I saw many human beings and I was overwhelmed with warmth, strength, and beauty. I know it wasn’t about getting married to be happy. It was never about that.
It has always been about giving yourself a second chance, a third chance, a fourth chance-
at loving yourself again.
That’s the hardest, isn’t it? Something horrific happens to us and we find ourselves unlovable. So we walk this path of what unlovable people do- hide away, run away, live in shame and doubt. When I think about how many times my friend lifted her head high during those difficult years and still showed up to live her life, I will never be able to grasp just how much effort and courage that took each day.
This got me reflecting lately on what does it mean for me to give myself a second, or third chance?
There is grace and courage in letting go- yes-
and
there is grace and courage in remembering who you are and knowing in your heart you need to give yourself a chance again. The way you commit to cheering for your loved ones like you are their biggest fans-
how can you be a fan of your own?
showing up for yourself
All day long, we show up for other people. Whether it’s showing up for our bosses or kids or partners, it’s really for them. And while we love them, in the midst of a very full life, we forget or don’t have space to show up for ourselves. But, we must create the space for ourselves, even if it’s a tiny space.
What this looks like for me these days is going on 2 walks each day. I know it’s not a surprise to anyone that I love my daily walks, but since my vertigo attack one month ago, my body hasn’t been the same. I am not myself yet. I tried getting back into yoga which is part of who I am, but I can’t do 90 % of it right now. I miss running and even a light jog right now is not possible. I know things can be worse and I may sound a bit dramatic, but you know your own bodies and you know when you are just not yourself. It’s a scary feeling. My doctor says to live as naturally as possible doing what I can. So, I show up by being physically active in other ways. This is for no one else but for me.
And, I will run that half marathon one day soon. I have been wanting to run a half marathon for years. I mean, years. It’s embarrassing how much I talk about it, but have never ran more than 6 miles. It’s a mental block for sure so I give up. I tell myself, “I am not a runner.”
I have given up many times before I have really started. Can you relate?
But, I know this is the thing I want to give myself another chance at. I mean really give it a chance. So, that’s me.
What is one thing you can do this week to show up for yourself? Is it to cook a meal just for you? Is it to take a nap? Is it to say no to something? Is it to say yes to something? Is it finally starting that project you’ve been wanting to do?
It doesn’t matter what it is, if it matters to you, that’s all that matters.
words for when you need to give yourself a second chance
i am free to start again, and again.
when i give myself another chance, i am believing in who i am.
if it matters to me, that’s all that matters.
when i show up for myself, i am my best self.
thank you for reading everyone and see you next week!
love,
kyunghee