At a young age, I bought into the popular belief that we all have that one talent, one passion that will become our career. We will then meet that one person whom we’re supposed to be with to live this one purpose filled life.
But what happens when you do go after that one thing and realize one of two things: it’s not what you thought it would be so you’re left disappointed, or
what if, your purpose and values change and now you are left wondering if you’ve messed it all up and you find yourself
starting over, again.
I will argue and say that we never really start over. We may shift, change directions, make different decisions, but we are building from what was. Perhaps this sounds discouraging, but it can be comforting.
I still remember how stressful it was to decide on my major in college. While a very small percentage of us might be born knowing exactly what we want to do, most of us have no idea. I had no idea. And this not knowing made it appear I was directionless, undisciplined, even lazy. So of course I didn’t want to present myself this way so I just did what most Asian kids did - I declared pre-med even though I had zero interest in medicine, science, and honestly, I wasn’t made for traditional schooling. I found schooling to be boring. Thank goodness for my decent memory that saved me.
Sometimes, that one thing we think we were meant to do comes from outside pressures that has nothing to do with actually being curious about what we care about. And knowing that you are pursuing that “one” thing made it easy to talk to people. It made you feel important even though deep inside
all you want to say is, “I really don’t know what I want to do with my life, yet. And, I actually think that’s okay, even normal.”
This kind of pressure isn’t only reserved for young people, but for adults too. We are constantly astonished or make a big deal when an adult transitions to a “second” or “third” career. Why is that? I think for some of us, it inspires us and gives us courage because we too want to make that change. And for others, it doesn’t make sense to them - why someone who had a comfortable job would “mess” it all up to do something that seems unpredictable, unsafe.
But the thing is,
if we truly take the time to pay attention to our lives, our lives are speaking to us every day. We don’t need to look further to know what we like, what we don’t like.
Have you ever had a bodily reaction to something? Whether you find yourself standing taller, or shoulders getting tense- these are signs of how you truly feel about something. Signs we often ignore. I felt this way when I had an internship with a school principal early in my teaching career because I was on a path to becoming a school administrator one day. Sitting in that stale office with endless piles of papers on policy, I felt a pit in my stomach. My shoulders felt heavy and even my posture changed to being hunched over.
This wasn’t nerves I was feeling. They were signs my body was telling me, “This isn’t it.” Although I still graduated with my masters, I never did finish that internship beyond that first day. I knew.
What we experience in our lives reinforces our desires- what we want more of, or what we are lacking. If our experiences shape us, then there is no doubt our purpose will be either redefined, strengthen, or changed.
To pressure ourselves into thinking we must stick to “this one thing” we’ve been doing because it’s all we’ve known, or to find “the one thing” when we are only a child is to say we won’t let experiences influence us, we won’t fully experience joys and pains
we won’t let life in, fully.
Wherever you may be, I hope you let life in fully.
I hope you pause and listen. Your body and experiences hold so much wisdom that no book or research can give you. And, if you’re feeling like you haven’t quite found your rhythm yet in what it is that you want to do, I want you to know that you are not lost.
exploring, paying attention, taking a break, taking a chance at something, changing your mind is living a life with eyes and hearts wide open
even if we may appear a little lost to others.
wishing you a gentle week,
kyunghee