bravery & gentleness
reflections on 2022, intentions vs resolutions, the one question we should be asking ourselves
How are you feeling?
Currently, I have one foot in 2022 and one foot in 2023. This week’s newsletter is a bit different. I am sharing some of my own reflections on 2022 and my intentions for 2023. Thank you for reading!
personal reflections on 2022
Last time, I shared list making as a way to reflect and journal.
Here is my list for things that stayed the same:
my dad’s health continued to be good after his cancer removal in 2021, went outside every single day, daily neighborhood walks, needed to check my triggers before seeing my parents and certain people, enjoyed lots of great podcasts-books-film-food, quality time with girlfriends and family, morning person, revised and revised See Us Bloom that comes out in 2023, decision-fatigue around covid, navigated covid in schools, commitment to my family, yearly weekend getaway to up north.
things that changed:
embraced being an introvert instead of wishing I was a social butterfly, engaging with friends with kids (which is most of our friends) came easier with moments of sadness that I don’t expect to ever go away, attended and hosted indoor gatherings, feeling energized by going outside of my comfort zone, first family trip with sister outside of just visiting each other, husband and I are communicating better, good friend left this earth, saying no more often-left our church small group community over 6+ years.
Looking back at my list, I see that although I get restless by no change, many things that stayed the same are things I appreciate it’s still there- like my dad and our family ritual of going up north (meaning Northern Michigan) yearly. And although I associate change as a sign of growth, some of these changes were so hard- like leaving our church community and not being able to say goodbye to my friend.
Life is that way, isn’t it. What we once thought was good becomes hard. And what we couldn’t appreciate before, we want to keep close more than ever.
a better question to ask yourself than “what are my new year’s goals?”
My perspective on the New Year changed when I decided that any day on the calendar really can symbolize a “new year”. For me, sometimes this is January 1st, Lunar New Year, or many times it’s on my birthday. If you are easing into 2023 slowly but feel pressured to rush,
I want to remind you that consistency outweighs going too fast to burn out.
I stopped making resolutions a long time ago because it only left me feeling like a failure by February or I felt like I was setting goals that someone in my age group “should” set. This is why I shifted from making resolutions to setting intentions. Intentions is more of a mindset and habit focused applied to multiple areas of life, whereas resolutions are goal specific to usually one area.
Questions like “What are your new years goals?” or “What do you want to do in this year?” doesn’t last because it focuses on the outcome, rather than looking at your life as a whole.
A better question to ask is, What’s important to me?
Here are smaller questions to that question if you need support in teasing this out:
How do I want to spend my time?
What energizes me?
What makes me feel fulfilled?
What do I want to continue doing/experiencing/engaging in?
my intentions for 2023 and a photo
I have two intentions for the year 2023.
I intend to be….
forthright: at the end of the day, being truthful means showing myself a bit more than before. Meaning what I say, taking accountability, and not giving in to others when it’s something important. I will experience discomfort for sure.
brave with gentleness: there are already situations where I need to be braver than before, like “marketing” myself for my book and my coaching practice. Just the thought of it makes me want to go hide. But, I am making a change in how I view “marketing myself.” Rather than seeing it as selling myself, I am practicing the perspective of “sharing my gifts to help others” which is essentially the truth. It will require bravery and with every brave act, I will try to be gentle and this is key. I am scared. I am excited.
I had a thought last week that I should pick out a photo to meditate on when I feel unsure of myself and being forthright and brave is harder than some days. This little girl right here is 9 years old, learned to speak English at the age of 8, and attended a school where her and her sister were the only Asians- constantly getting bullied at recess, on the bus, in the classroom. Teachers ignored these acts. Those were scary and hard times.
I don’t know what 9 year old Kyunghee was thinking and feeling in this photo, but I know she could have used some gentleness to get through. A lot of gentleness.
Perhaps you need some gentleness to move through this year. Perhaps it would help you to pick out a photo for 2023 to remind you to be gentle.
words to carry with you
Gentleness recognizes that messiness, falling, unexpected wonderful surprises, disappointments, being scared, are all part of being brave. It urges us to walk when needed, run when needed, and step back when needed.
It is not fluff. It is power. Gentleness keeps us brave.
However you are moving through this week is all okay
walking, skipping, running, even crawling.
Here’s to being gentle with all that comes our way in this new year.
-kyunghee
I really appreciate your perspective and will lean into your reminder:
I want to remind you that consistency outweighs going too fast to burn out.
I’m so thankful for your immense gentleness, Kyunghee.