what my wall gallery taught me about perfectionism
family photos, stickers, and fancy silverware -choosing joy over perfect
These photos took me 8 years to put up. These photos took me not even one day. Both are true. I have been wanting to do a gallery of family photos since we moved into our home. While I can say other things took priority and that’s why it didn’t happen, I need to also say that it’s mostly because I was saving it-
I couldn’t find the perfect photos that would flow perfectly together. And, I also couldn’t decide on the perfect frames I wanted. We pride ourselves of this trait of perfectionism because it means high-achiever, someone who cares a lot. But, more than anything else, it is a sneaky robber. In small ways, it keeps us procrastinating, distracted and obsessed, and most of all- it robs us of what acceptance can feel like.
Acceptance can give us freedom and joy.
Recently, I spent less than two hours on the small gallery wall from choosing the photos, picking out the frames, to putting them up. I gave myself a timeline of choosing photos (20 minutes) because I didn’t want to analyze it. If it brought a smile to my face, then it’s worth being framed, even if the quality of the photo wasn’t the best. Even though it’s not finished because I want to add to it,
perfectionism would have said, “wait until you have it all figured out” to start. But, acceptance says, “you can add to it, change it even. no problem.”
A friend gifted me this sticker for my birthday in 2022 that I have not used until 2023. I know. a sticker. Not a big deal, but I couldn’t decide which water bottle I wanted it on, or a journal, and what if I changed my mind? I didn’t want the sticker to go to a “waste” by putting it on the “wrong” thing. Perfectionism says there is right and wrong. It limits our vision of what’s already good.
From photos that capture the actual living, thoughtfully picked out sticker from a friend, and fancy silverware that we got as wedding gifts 13 years ago- all sat in dust. It’s meant to be enjoyed right now.
We donated our old silverware and decided to make everyday fancy. We no longer wanted to wait for special occasions to use them. Monday night dinners of weekend’s leftovers can be fancy if we let it.
And do you know how it felt when I put that sticker on my water bottle or I put those 4 frames up? It wasn’t hard to do. The thoughts looming in my brain was heavy. But actually doing the action wasn’t when I made up my mind that I wanted to enjoy this today as is.
Each time I walk up and down the stairs of my home, I stop and look at these photos - moments that are ordinary to moments that were once in a lifetime. I smile each time and for me, it has been a source of a reminder that
the practice of imperfection is a practice of joy. And, when I look at my water bottle (which is all the time), I am held by a beautiful quote that reminds me of friendship. And, what if I change water bottles later? I won’t worry about it because it does not matter.
in what small ways is perfectionism robbing you of actually experiencing joy right now?
Maybe like me, you’ve also been saving up things around your home to use for a better time. But my question to you would be, “would you be able to identify it if the perfect timing did come?” Because our perfectionist brain is cynical, it will choose to see what’s missing no matter what.
Try taking an inventory of small things in your life that if you actually did take action on it, it might give you joy. Ask yourself, “What one small thing have I have been putting off because of perfect timing, perfect conditions, etc?”
I encourage you to take ONE thing to start and try reframing from, “what is the right/wrong thing to do” to “I can change my mind on this. I am going to try it anyway.”
When we give it a try on a small thing over and over, tackling perfectionism over big things will become doable and less scary.
Use those fancy dishes now. Paint that wall. Write that first page of your book. Take that photo and put it up. Think about it this way: when we save up things for a better time, we are actually saying we are choosing to save joy for later, rather than now.
sparks of joy this week-
because these things brought me joy this week, I wanted to share.
watch
Would you like a cup of coffee?
I have no idea how I missed this one back in 2021. Based on a comic, this is a simple and heartwarming story of a young man who falls in love with Park Seok’s coffee after a single sip and begs to work for him. It follows the life of a rookie barista, the owner, along with those who come and go, this easy to watch drama literally is like a hot cup of coffee (or tea if you prefer!) on a cozy rainy day. Each episode is about 25 minutes long, definitely binge worthy. But, just like my coffee or tea, I like to savor so I watched it over two weeks. I’ve been in a mood for lighthearted so this hit the spot.
read
This book was the first book that caught my eye when I walked into my local bookstore a few weeks ago. The title got my attention and the cozy cover mirrored the snowy winter day we were having. I have been really into story collections and although this book seem to cover some serious topics, it is heartwarming, inspiring, and not too heavy. I am only on the first story, but so far, it’s great. I am ashamed to say I have not heard of this series before. This is the third in the series from the author. It might feel different reading the other two first? So far, it doesn’t seem to matter.
eat
I can eat soup on any day of the week.
This roasted cauliflower soup was so delicious, easy, and filling. We ate it with this roti.
We made tons of dumplings last week to prep for the Lunar New Year and made some to eat for the week too. My favorite way to eat mandu is actually adding it to any Korean stews, especially kimchi jigae. It’s so comforting.
housekeeping question for you!
Sorry for shifting gears here for a bit.
I hope you don’t mind me experimenting with this space. Every single time I sit down to write, I genuinely look forward to writing. It fills me up to write organically based on what I have been learning/thinking about in the moment on topics that interests me.
What’s just as important though is learning about what YOU want to read about.
What would get you excited to open up late bloomers club newsletter each week and to share with others?
What topics or questions would you like for me to explore? More how-to advices, more personal updates, something else? I care about my readers and want to make sure it is worth your time and space. I want to grow in my readership- in both numbers and engagement and I envision using this space in a more impactful way.
I would love to hear from you through email with any thoughts you might have.
have a joy-filled week,
kyunghee
Your words are so relatable to me. “Choosing to save joy for later, rather than now.” This spoke to me. My procrastination and perfectionism are preventing me from experiencing joy now. My eyes are open. Thank you✨