What is the easiest thing kids do that is the hardest for adults?
saying the word-
HELP!
In all of my years of teaching kids, I wish I had triple of me in the classroom who could circulate and offer help. I would constantly hear, “Ms. Chen, I need help!”, “Can you help me?”, “I don’t know how to do this”, etc, etc etc. Kids in general are good at asking for help
so then-
when does self-consciousness set in, the belief that we are meant to do this life, alone? Somewhere between childhood and adulthood we start to build this belief that we should know how to do everything on our own. And perhaps it’s more prevalent in the digital age where everyone’s lives look put together and easy, making us feel even more alone and
even more afraid to ask for support.
But, here is the thing about asking and offering support that we don’t often think about: when we ask for help, it allows the other person to do something for you, experience a sense of purpose, joy, and a deeper connection. While asking for help benefits the receiver, it also is so rewarding for the giver.
This week, I had the joy of being able to help out a dear friend who needed some home support. Because she asked, I was able to spend some amazing time with one of my favorite kids (got to see him for multiple days!). She thanked me, but I should be the one thanking her for involving me in her life in this way which I know more than anyone else just how difficult it was to even ask.
If each of us were to think back to a time when were there for a friend in a time of need, we can admit how rewarding it was. I wonder if reminding ourselves of what it feels like to offer help will encourage us to ask because
we are opening up an opportunity for intimacy.
When we ask for help, it opens doors for the other person to ask for support, too.
words for when asking for help is hard
We are all in need of support in some way and I hope these words remind you that you are not alone and that we are all trying to be better at it.
*Asking for help is difficult for everyone.
*You can start by asking for support with something small.
*Remind yourself what it feels like to help a friend. It feels good.
*Sometimes our friends want to help but they may need guidance in what kind of support actually feels like help so asking for something direct actually feels really nice for the other person.
*It creates trust and intimacy.
*Be generous and gracious. If a friend can’t help in that moment, that’s okay. They might be able to support in another way. Letting go of expectations comes with this.
Asking, giving, and receiving is a vulnerable and courageous act,
it is not weakness.
updates-
new project
Ann Arbor/Ypsi/Local Friends! How about a gorgeous Mother’s Day bouquet AND one of a kind Mother’s Day poem written by me? Please consider supporting local artists by ordering from We Adore Flowers. I am partnering with them to offer a printed poem as an add on if you order a Mother’s Day Bouquet. You can order here! Limited amount so order quick!
life
I will be going to Korea with my husband at the end of this month. This is my first visit to Korea since immigrating in 1988. I don’t quite have the words to express how I am feeling as I am feeling all of it. I will be documenting and journaling, and will be sharing it on the newsletter and my blog sometime when I am back.
reading
I try to diversify my reading in both genre and I try to not only stick to the newest of books. I finished a novel Relative Strangers which was a delightful lighthearted goodness I needed. I re-read tons of poetry in the past few weeks as well. I just picked up Stay True, a memoir. I have a sense already this might be a quiet heart wrenching read.
watching
If You Wish Upon Me is a Korean Drama that came out in 2022. It is currently on hulu and probably elsewhere too. It is a heartfelt story of a young man who is looking for redemption in his life after a series of bad luck.
Thank you for reading and have a joyful rest of April.
Love,
Kyunghee