I want to ask you this today-
what do you want LESS of? The typical question is, what do you want more of? so it may take you by surprise, but it’s really important you reflect on this. Here is why-
when we don’t consider what we want less of, everything becomes important, everything becomes a priority- and when this happens,
nothing becomes a priority.
We often think in order for something to grow or bloom, it needs nurturing. And in order for this nurturing to happen, you need to know what it actually needs to thrive. This is true. But what we forget is before we even learn to take care of it, we need to make sure those seeds can be planted. That it has space.
And in order to have that space, something has to go.
I know we just celebrated the fall equinox so it doesn’t seem to make sense to be talking about planting and weeding when fall is all about harvesting. Weeding is part of that harvest.
I had a face-to-face moment with my teaching career of 19 years that led me to make a big decision as I shared last week. I am all about working hard, and I definitely do believe in seasons of hustling when it calls for it. I have certainly done just that in the teaching career as I pursued dreams like writing a book and facilitated writing workshops on the side. And while I made it work,
it came a time where my garden of life was overflowing with too much stuff, and soon, projects and pursuits I wanted to see bloom couldn’t unless I gave up something-
my garden of life needed weeding.
It was time for me to take a bird’s-eye view of my life and do what I have been delaying- to take an honest inventory of where my resources were going- money, time, energy, and focus.
When someone asks me what I want more of, sometimes, I don’t know how to answer that so I started to work backwards- I ask myself, what do I want less of?
It was clear to me that my teaching job was taking not only my time (because of course it should, it’s a full-time career so that makes sense), but it was equally taking my energy, focus, and devotion. I also needed to consider the emotions that this thing produced- instead of it producing a sense of purpose, belonging, and joy (at least it should most of the time, in my opinion), it was producing continued anxiety, exhaustion, and even depression.
So when I evaluated how much space this one thing was taking up, it was basically taking up 90% of my garden with very little space for hobbies, important relationships, other things that were important to me.
Whether it’s one thing that is taking up significant amount of space, or one thing that is taking up 5% of your space- that big or small space does matter because
when you decide to weed it out, you finally have space to plant new dreams or allow existing ones to take up more space- let it extend its roots. Do not be ashamed of what you want to plant and grow. I wrote last week about how we often have this misconception of what dreams “should” be -this big, grand thing which isn’t true at all.
During this harvest season (season of fall), as we pay attention to all that we have worked so hard for and see the fruits of our labor, I hope you feel that it’s also okay to weed and let go as you harvest. In fact, I encourage you to. I know it’s hard. We want to do it all and prove that we can. And maybe we can…for a while…
but not forever. It’s not sustainable. Do you want to know a secret?
I wished I had quit 3 years ago. I waited until my mental health was at its breaking point, that it led to physical symptoms that I told no one about. I share this because I know we all want to hold onto everything. Whether it’s for us, for our families, or even for society- what will they think of me?
I learned no one really is thinking of us that much. Everyone is truly busy living their lives and they have their own insecurities to be consumed by. I hope you don’t find this offensive, but find it a relief.
So, whether it’s a relationship that actually isn’t important anymore, or a hobby you lost interest in, or a project you started but realize it’s really not for you, or something you’ve been doing for years and everyone wants you to go on but you think otherwise, etc.
What’s equally true is that sometimes, we need to weed out what is good, but it may not be the best right now. Perhaps everything in your garden are good things (that is amazing!), but it may not be the best thing right now. Among all the good things, there will always be a few that are the best for that season and it can truly be more of a priority if it had more of your time and energy.
I think once in a while, we all need a reminder that it’s okay to change our minds.
it’s okay to change your mind.
I know this concept is really hard. Trust me. I have been a people-pleaser my whole life. I feel like being a people-pleaser is kind of a pre requisite to being Korean. I am unlearning and learning.
Anyone else?
courageous words to help you let go
For the good and bad things you feel that you need to let go of for this season of life, I hope this gives you a little push to maybe take a birds-eye-view of your garden this week. Here are some affirmations to encourage you.
priorities change as seasons change
i am learning to make time for what’s important to me
i am learning that it’s okay to change my mind
i am patient with myself as i discover what truly matters to me
So much of letting go and weeding is cultivating peace. This rest in our hearts. It’s much more rewarding to experience peace than trying to do it all. Here are three ways you can choose peace that I shared on late bloomers club instagram.
What do you want less of? Less exhaustion? Less back-to-back schedule? When you know this, you also know what you want to pay attention to.
I think harvest is on a lot of people’s minds. I am wanting to talk about what do you do when you feel that there isn’t much to harvest and you feel discourage? I hope you will join me back here next Monday for that conversation.
I hope you have a peaceful week. If you think this post would encourage someone you know, please share it with them.
love,
kyunghee