I got my first cell phone when I started teaching. I was 23. I didn’t even own a computer. Things were freer-er then. Then slowly, year after year, occasional work emails turned into daily unannounced to-do lists and worse-
expectations of responding pretty much right away, even if the email would say “no rush”, or “just to give you a heads up”. Checking my work email became another job itself. And when other colleagues would respond over the weekend and I didn’t, I felt like I was slacking off. And soon, my weekend was ending with a lot of work guilt.
What role does boundaries play when it comes to convenience and accessibility of our phones and emails?
This unspoken expectations of checking and responding to emails on demand is leaving us depleted, over-crossing of boundaries, and anxious. Can you relate?
I miss the days of no cell phones and when work emails were only sent when necessary. It felt nice to not be glued to something.
things to try in creating boundaries
(not in any particular order, mostly to do with technology boundaries with work)
If checking your work email is a habit long after you have left work, consider taking your work email off of your phone. Sometimes, going all-in is actually easier than gradual change. This works for me. I usually take it off during breaks, and vacations so I am not tempted.
Set an automatic response that goes out after work hours, like “thank you for your email. I will be in touch soon” or something. Many of us do this when we go on vacations, why not off hours in general? Or weekends?
Ask a question about work load. When my boss asks me to do more than what I can do in a day, I ask this one question that makes all the difference. “What would you like for me set aside for tomorrow so I can attend to this?”
If you have a really demanding job or strange and inconsistent work days, consider setting a specific time aside to just attend to administrative stuff like emails. Whether it be 20 minutes or an hour, time for just responding to emails. This way, you are also more effective in other parts of your day.
Technology physically away. I am working on this one personally. Having my phone and laptop physically aways helps - out of sight, out of mind.
advice on creating work boundaries
For a good first 10 years or so in my career, I worked 50+ hours, answered emails all times of the day- early mornings, evenings, and weekends, and bent over backwards costing me my family life, my health, and more. I intentionally worked really hard to get to where I am today, which is living from a space of healthy work boundaries I am happy with. It’s always a practice, never perfect.
I’d also like to add that we need to consider seasons. There are seasons when work just might be a bit much, off balance and we can prepare ourselves mentally for those particular seasons. Healthy boundaries look different in each season, but it’s important that we check in with ourselves.
I often think about what my workaholism is costing. Workaholism costs us people we love, hobbies that give us joy, rest that feels restful, and living into the wholeness of who we are. And behind the act of overworking, we also know it’s a deep desire to please, to be loyal, and to somehow meet unattainable expectations. It will wear us down if it hasn’t already.
As you consider some of the tools/tips above
offer yourself compassion, patience, and grace. It’s hard, it makes us uncomfortable, and before it feels good it can often feel worse at first- like more feelings of guilt, FOMO, and a deep desire to people please. But, I promise you will feel free-er, happier, and stronger.
words for when you need boundaries with work
I hope these words help you to breath, wherever you are.
I am already doing what is required of me.
My work does not determine my self worth.
I am a person, not a machine.
I deserve to be whole.
have a peaceful week,
kyunghee