I never met my former therapist in real life because even in January of 2020 when I met her, before the pandemic, she was offering virtual sessions and it worked out nicely with my work schedule.
It was through this particular therapist I learned of IFS (Internal Family Systems) therapy and for me, it was life changing. I worked with her for about 2 1/2 years, meeting weekly. I knew it was good because I left each session exhausted. When you do trauma work, it is tiring- your mind, emotions, and especially your body. On therapy days, I don’t schedule anything else afterwards if I can help it because I am drained.
Through IFS therapy, I was able to discover for the first time parts of my younger self that was abandoned. Facing these parts was scary, hard, and it brought a lot of sadness. Over time, I was slowly able to attend to my parts on my own when I was faced with triggering situations in real time.
About two years into it, talking and focusing on my trauma in a form of therapy every single week became overwhelming. My therapist taught me to ask myself on a regular basis, “what does Kyunghee need right now?” I have to admit it’s still a foreign question to me because being Korean, I am not used to putting my needs first. A lot of discomfort even with practice.
One day in summer of 2022, an answer that I haven’t heard before came to my heart when I asked myself, “what does Kyunghee need in this season?” I have been feeling it now for months - feeling completely depleted from talking about trauma all the time. And when I wasn’t in session, I was either reading self-book books or thinking about my trauma. It was all consuming, yet I had come so far in my healing. When there are so many people who are unable to seek professional support in this way, but I am now saying I don’t want it- there was a part of me that felt guilty to be honest.
I had the best therapist but even with good things, there is time and a place for a break.
Of course this didn’t mean I was completely healed nor does it mean I had no more work to do because we all do right? What is also true though is the importance of checking-in with yourself and asking, is this still working or does it need to shift? Healing comes in so many forms, therapy included- but not exclusively either.
I want to be clear and state that I am not speaking for anyone else but myself here. I am not sharing my experience to stir anyone away from seeing their therapist because only you know the kind of medical care you need.
I knew I would come back to therapy at some point, but before I come back, I needed a break. I needed a breather.
trading good with the good
I ended up not returning to therapy for one whole year, longer than I thought. In that year, I focused on joy. I actually stopped reading all self-help books. For those who know me, I love self-help books and I find them to be insightful and helpful. Why would I stop doing what’s working?
Because if we do just one thing over and over, we might be neglecting something else. We might not be seeing the whole picture. Therapy and self-book books worked for me for years. But, it came a time where all I was trying to do was “fix” myself, be a better person, be healed quickly, etc. I became obsessed with bettering myself that I wasn’t allowing myself to simply
exist.
Of course triggers still came up. I used my tools when I remembered and with a lot of self compassion, I was able to live my days without being overwhelmed (for the most part). I freed up some brain space too because I was taking a break from the latest self help strategies.
What lit me up, what made me smile, what allowed me to not hold my breath were the things I integrated more into my days. I found myself physically feeling lighter. Refreshed. Energized again.
Personally, taking a break from therapy allowed me to just be, with all that I have learned, I can take a break from learning more. I can trust that I am still healing even if I wasn’t in sessions anymore.
Sometimes, even good things need a break so that there is space for other good things to take its place. Not that it’s necessarily better than the other. Rather, it seems like tuning into what the season calls for is how we can better care for ourselves.
words for when you need a break from a good thing
Is there something good in your life that feels stagnant or all consuming? It might be that you need a change in scenery. Whether it’s a change in its frequency or the thing all together, a break might be a good idea. I took a break from therapy, I take breaks from my writing- and it’s so helpful for my overall wellbeing.
When we don’t take breaks from even good things, those good things sometimes aren’t effective anymore. Some seasons we experience more exhaustion because life is busier than usual, some seasons we crave more noise- more events. It might be helpful to look at our life as a whole and reflect on how is this thing contributing to my life right now, in this season?
Ask yourself, what do I need today? this month?
Do I trust that taking a break is not neglect?
I hope these affirmations encourage you as you navigate possible changes:
i am free to take time to discover what i need today.
i allow myself to listen to my body.
this season needs my gentleness. i will listen.
it’s okay if i don’t know what i need. i am patient with myself.
Happy July everyone. I hope this month brings you what you need.
-kyunghee