What is keeping you from going for your dreams?
Is it your perfectionism, lack of time, imposter syndrome, lack of resources- all of the above? In the end, everything we do or don’t do ultimately boils down to one thing-
fear or love.
Thinking we aren’t good enough, or we need x, y, and z before we can begin - it’s all disguised as fear. One of the things we rarely talk about that can perpetuate this fear or this freeze response to begin is sharing our dreams with others too soon- before we can even admit it to ourselves.
When we don’t take the time to let the dream marinate and allow ourselves to embody it, we can easily allow others to influence our decisions even if they come from good intentions. New pursuits come with tenderness and vulnerability. It is our job to protect it until we can come face to face with it and say, yes- this is what I want to pursue no matter what.
I wrote about my journey to writing my first book and why I kept it so close to my heart before sharing it with others and it was the best decision I have made. It helped me to stand in my confidence and create from a place of joy rather than trying to please people because honestly, that is an impossible task. It was also the biggest way I was able to protect my mental health and wellbeing during the beginning stages of writing and pitching my book.
I can’t believe I am saying this, but I can almost guarantee that if I had shared my dreams of wanting to become a published author of a book too soon, I would have given up. Maybe I am too influenced, but that’s my honest answer. There would have been more than twenty questions….
how would I make it happen, what about my social media presence, what if I don’t have an agent, how am I going to fit it in with my full time job, etc?
Being on the other side of having published a book, I know these questions are real and some serious thought needs to be considered and not ignored of course. What is also true is that while some of these questions might be coming out of love, it is also out of fear. My friends didn’t want to see me struggle and have my dreams crushed.
We have our own fears about our dreams, but those who care about us also have their fears. So we have to be at a place where we are able to accept their love without taking in their fears. And this can only happen when we ourselves are at a place where we are convinced we want to do this and no person or reason can sway us. This takes time, time with our dreams on our own.
I often think about a plant spreading its roots deep. We don’t see the roots because we only see the flower when it blooms. But, when a storm comes, it’s not the booming of the flower that will protect it, it’s the root. The root keeps it grounded and steady no matter what.
The time we spend planning, reflecting, getting inspired- that is all root work. Work that no one sees is the most important work.
So maybe what’s keeping you from going for your dreams is not lack of time or resources, but fear-
fear that it won’t work
fear that you actually can’t make it
fear of what other people might think of you
fear of the sacrifices
it’s time. It’s time to do some root work because fear won’t ever go away, even if we’ve “made it” (whatever that means). The point isn’t to make fear go away. The point is to make decisions out of love more often than out of fear.
Have you spent time alone on your dreams or are you quick to tell others and ask for their opinions and advice? When there is no clear sounding board (your intuition), you wouldn’t know how to filter out information when it comes to you.
Get to know your voice first, before you let others in.
6 ways to nurture your dreams before you share them with others
These are some ways I have nurtured my dreams before asking for support/help and sharing them with people. I hope it helps you too and it serves as a reminder that your dreams are sacred.
Take a notebook with you, everywhere you go. I never know when an idea would strike and when it does, I want to make sure it gets recorded. You never know when you might need it even if it’s years from now. I used to send myself voice notes so any way to record is fine.
Study those who have gone before you. I love to spend time researching and reading about those in the field. Every journey is different. I find it encouraging to know how others have done it. I make notes of their wisdom that resonate with me. I have a list in my notebook of authors who have published after 40 years of age.
Do anything but the thing. Regular breaks away from the planning and thinking is so important. Your brain generates more creativity if you get away from the thing. Movement has been #1 priority for my creativity. I don’t call it “working out”. I personally phrase it by saying, “I make time to move my body in some way everyday.” Your body is meant to release stress to create those happy hormones, but it doesn’t have to be “working out”. For you, maybe it’s not movement, but it’s another hobby or any form of activity that feels like rest.
Make note of what is working. If I researched and focused on the percentage of writers who actually get published, I would have given up because that number is scary. But, if I make note of good news and not the bad news, over time my brain will start to look for the good and not the bad. Our brains love habits.
Start it and don’t tell anyone. Part of nurturing is actually doing the thing. We don’t want to stay in the “planning” zone for too long or that will become an excuse to begin. Trust me -planning is my way of procrastination. How about you? If you want to start a blog, just start typing and make it private. No one has to know until you want to share it with the public. We live in a digital society where if it’s not on social media or shared publicly, it isn’t real. And this is so dangerously wrong. You can begin without telling anyone else about it.
During the very early stages of my writing journey, I told three people whom I trusted the most. While these three people are not writers, that wasn’t important. I knew I could be honest and vulnerable and they would be there for me emotionally. Consider emotional support.
When we take time to nurture our dreams by doing the things that doesn’t get recorded on social media - ones that no one sees, we are practicing responding out of love.
I hope in all that we do, we respond more out of love and less out of fear.
What does responding out of love mean for you this month?
Thank you for reading.
love,
kyunghee