If my mentor and friend, Camille, left me with this one question and nothing else, it would still have been so worth our coaching time together because it has changed the way I do everything. The way I look at situations, how I make my decisions, my priorities, ultimately, it is changing the way I see myself. I hope it does the same for you.
It is October.
How you are feeling right now or what are the thoughts that are swirling in your mind. If you are like me, I know right around this time, as we have a few more months left into the year, I tend to feel a little pressure
or a lot of pressure, anxious, discouraged, and even frantic.
What did I accomplish this year? I know I worked really hard, but what is there to show for it? My work hours seem the same, the money coming in not much more, no new house, new car, etc. What is there to show with all the hard work I put in this year? I know I took some brave steps, but
where did it all go?
Can you relate?
Now, I want you to make room in your brain to think differently about what “accomplishments” or “harvesting” could mean. That maybe, it is not about the outcome or the tangible rewards of what we planted and nurtured-
maybe harvest is actually something entirely different.
No, I am not going to tell you it’s “journey over destination”. While there is truth to that statement, I want you to consider something more. something better.
“What if it takes me five years to publish my book? Or what if it doesn’t happen at all?” I said to my mentor.
“Ok.” she answers very matter-of-factly, not at all phased by my question or the frantic state I was in. She leans in.
She follows this with, “Let me ask you this. Who are you becoming along the way?”
WHO are you becoming?
not what will you do, or what will happen, but WHO.
When I consider who instead of what or when, then I can step away from the actual thing that I am pursuing and start to see how I might be transforming, even in the smallest ways.
Is it possible to harvest bravery, assertiveness, vulnerability? I think so.
Future will always be the unknown and what we hold onto in the end, is fleeting. Essentially, my mentor was asking me to consider “harvesting” differently. That the harvest isn’t really about the “published book”.
The harvest is me.
The harvest is you.
The person behind the work, behind the dream. The one who plants the seed with such care and hope - in hopes that with blood, sweat, and tears, it will all be worth it one day.
Whatever you are pursuing right now - personally or professionally - who are you becoming along the way?
take the pressure off
Some time ago, my role at home has shifted. My husband was the cook forever, but I have taken that on (just weekdays!). Now, if my goal (harvest) in this new role was to be the most amazing cook, I would say there is nothing to show you after months and months of cooking. And, that I have miserably failed. But, if the harvest is what kind of person am I becoming through cooking? I could list at least ten amazing characteristics, like
I am becoming someone who is resourceful, especially if I am trying to cook from what I have in the fridge. I am also someone who is learning about time management in a whole new way. Patience, flexibility, creativity, etc.
Suddenly, I am proud. I am only human and my desire for the outcome, the goal is big And, I am allowed that. You are allowed that. You are allowed to hope that the outcome is what you sacrificed so much for, but if we are honest, that may not happen. So then why?
Does that mean it was all a waste? This is why perhaps counting the ways of the person we are becoming is a more compassionate way to live, and I’d like to think a more true way.
I hope you take a moment this month to acknowledge all the unexpected ways you have grown because you went for it. I have to admit that it’s difficult to even acknowledge our own courage and strength because this thing, whatever that is, hasn’t quite happened yet. And I can’t tell you when it will, or if it will.
But what I can tell you that’s true is that as long as it’s important to you, it is not a waste of time. Even people we may give our time to and it doesn’t work out, it was not a waste of time. This new perspective of answering the question, “who am I becoming along the way?” has really taken the pressure off for me. I do think this is the #1 reason on how I am able to be more of a risk-taker and doer than ever in my life. If I am becoming someone who is more loving, gentle, courageous, vulnerable, assertive, willing to learn something new, etc- then I will never lose.
You will never lose.
Take the pressure off of “the thing”.
words for when you feel discouraged
If you are feeling discouraged with life right now, I hope these words give you hope and comfort.
who i am becoming is more important than reaching the goal
i allow myself to acknowledge how far i have come
i give myself space to dream even if the road is unclear
i am proud of the person that i am becoming
I want to leave you with some questions to reflect/journal about for this month on the topic of harvesting:
Write about your disappointments. Being disappointed means you care. It’s okay to acknowledge you wanted more and it didn’t happen.
Answer this question in a way that fits your life: who are you becoming along the way? But NOT in a toxic positivity way. Do not force things that are not there. Just simply allow yourself to be curious.
How will you prioritize this month? I encourage you to think about what you need to let go of before adding on.
upcoming…
For the remainder of October, I will writing about some questions and wonderings we may have about friendships/relationships. I wrote a 15 friendship truths I am glad to know now piece back in February and since then, several of you have asked if I could write more about it. If you have specific questions, you can send me a note or write in the comments. Or, anything else you would like to read more about in this newsletter in general, I’d love to hear from you.
If you liked this post, please share it with someone who might need it. Thank you always for reading and supporting late bloomers club.
Love,
Kyunghee
Thank you for writing this, Kyunghee! It's exactly what I needed to read tonight.
A lot of hard work (some of which was letting go of some kinds of hard work) led me to some amazing experiences and people the past few months. I didn't achieve any of the tangible goals I would've loved to achieve when I set out, but I got so much more out of it. And some of the greatest blessings from that time were connections that I thought would last forever and now I think may not, not in the sense I hoped. I've wondered at times, "What do I have to show for it all?" I was just journaling this morning about this and was able to feel better about everything. But what you wrote here and the question you posed brought to mind more layers I can and want to uncover. Thank you!